Jive Turkey: George W. Bush Presidential Library to contain world's largest collection of coloring books

Jive Turkey News Exclusive:

George W. Bush Presidential Library to contain world's largest collection of coloring books; most not yet colored in

Dallas (TX) -- Though Former President George W. Bush's recent visit to Southern Methodist University stirred concerns among the faculty and staff, many of the students of the on-campus Learning Rainbows daycare center were absolutely thrilled. At stake, Bush's effort to secure $300 for his presidential library.

Dr. H.M. Murdock, a professor of political science, derided the visit as a "shame and scandal upon the good name of this once proud educational institution," claiming that the former president's policies and actions "should invalidate any effort to lionize him, especially in terms of some positive historic performance."

Six-year-old Tommy Parton, after learning that important classics from the world literature of coloring would be stored in "The W", was ecstatic, "I like to draw on clowns!"

The President of the university, R. Gerald Turner, shrugged his shoulders at the conflicting responses and said, "Who gives a rat's ass what they put in it? Do you know how much money this is going to make for the university? That's right, looks like Gerry Turner's got a brand new bag. Of loot. What's up, bitchaz?!"

(This was satire. The real story is here: Battle brews over Bush library)

Full-Armor Assault on a Hot Fudge Sundae

"Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae."
- Kurt Vonnegut

A little over a year ago, I was startled out of whatever I was doing by the news that Kurt Vonnegut died. My first thought was a heartsinker of massive egoism: I'll never get to meet him. The second wasn't so bad. He wasn't going to write any more. There'd be no interviews, no more essays, no more of the quote machine that spawned a million and one really witty jokes that hurt as much as they made you laugh. And frankly, that was okay. He'd begun repeating himself, or maybe he had been all along and it was only obvious once the second wave of that Vonnegut-raised American youth had their hands in the media, dying for ways to give him a voice again.

This is not the same as saying he'd outgrown his usefulness. No, but he had written at least two masterpieces -- Slaughterhouse-five and Breakfast of Champions -- and about three or four others that are damn close to it. He could rest easy. And as America continues to redefine itself, I think he'll be more and more recognized as its essential 20th-21st century voice. As hard as Norman Mailer tried, I think he couldn't touch on what Vonnegut did, seemingly without effort: telling the bruising truth with a chuckle. That's just what I want to believe. Scholars will debate it, maybe. I just think that this country has no other way to handle its own ugliness than to laugh. Mark Twain. Really. Our funny people know us best.

Just a thought.

And so on.