the story with Chris Offutt

As I hope you get in the newest 11 Questions, the interview with Chris Offutt was not the sort of interview I normally do. And that's why I tried to do 11 Qs differently. Unfortunately, there wasn't space for it all, and so the printed version is much shorter than the online version. And you know what? That version was about 2000 words shorter than I originally put together. (And that was really only half the interview.)

So I figured I'd give you a glimpse of things yet unseen. I figure if you're coming here, you deserve a little something-something, right? So I'm going to post the stuff that got chopped off at the end, and I'm going to put some other "commentary" in here too. Could be interesting.

Before I forget, Chris Offutt will be reading at Mercer this Monday, February 4th. He'll be sharing a script he'd written for TV about a down-and-out country music family. There's rumor that a portion of it will be acted out. You should see that. I will.

Chris Offutt’s debut collection of stories, Kentucky Straight, won him awards from the Guggenheim Foundation, the American Academy of Arts and Letters, and the Whiting Foundation. He also made the list of Granta's 20 Best Young American Fiction Writers. His non-fiction has appeared in The New York Times, Men's Journal, and Oxford American. He played the role of Charlie in the 2002 film The Slaughter Rule starring Ryan Gosling. He’s currently writing for an HBO show called True Blood with Nancy Oliver, who wrote the Oscar-nominated Lars and the Real Girl, starring Ryan Gosling. He has a new story collection coming out soon as well as another novel.

Lighting a cigarette, he said he’d just picked up the habit three years ago. Then he put it on“Chris Offutt’s Three Dumb Things Not to Do: number one) Don’t start smoking at age 45; number two) Don’t jump into a car that’s rolling backwards downhill; and number three) Don’t try ear candling.”

(Note: there are a lot of questions and answers I had to cut. Unfortunately, all the stuff he said about once being a child photographer didn't survive. Here it is now.)

#12) I always see that job in the classifieds, what's the inside scoop on that?

Offutt: Well, the job I had was three days, which was perfect for me. Three long days. Two ten-hour days and a twelve—in a mall. I’d just go with the camera and a backdrop, take pictures of kids and families and couples in malls. I’d go somewhere different every week. I was on my own. As long as the pictures turned out good, the boss was happy.

Horne: Was that weird for you, having been an art major?

Offutt: I was a theatre major. I studied both though. I was a theatre major because I wanted to be an actor. I’d go to the movies and see a kindofa goofy guy kissing some beautiful girl and I’d go, “Hey perfect! That’s the job I want.” Then I changed my major two or three times, drop out of college a couple of times, took off to different places that interested me. After about six years, I decided I just wanted to be done and I had the most credits in theatre so that’s how I wound up with that. I took ROTC courses, psychology courses, art courses—everything but math.

... We begin talking about bones and catacombs because of the trivia question. We aren’t sure if the Romans used catacombs to store just bones or if they were bodies first. We decide to put “bones of bodies” as our answer. Though it’s momentarily tough to remember the difference between Wild Bill and Buffalo Bill, the next couple of questions give us no such trouble...

On why he wrote "Tough Trade": A guy called me up two or three years ago and asked if I’d be interested in writing a pilot. I was low on their list—two or three guys had already said no. Somehow they got my name because they knew I was from Kentucky. It’s set in Nashville, about three generations of very wealthy, very famous country stars. And the family’s broke and they don’t get along. So I said sure, I can do that, you know? So I wrote it and it didn’t go anywhere, but I got paid.

...The first question in the second round was about Don McLean but we heard “John McCain” instead, and couldn’t figure out how he could’ve been inspired by either Elvis or Buddy Holly. That led to a brief political conversation that began with Chris saying, about McCain, “I think he’s fucking crazy, man. I like Huckabee—he’s out of his mind, completely out of his mind. The crazier the better.” ...

#13) You think being crazy is a good qualification for political office?

Offutt: Well, that’s what we got the last eight years. The American people wanted a crackpot in the White House so let’s get Huckabee.

The trivia crowd gets loud so we pause. Leslie starts calling out the teams and their scores. One team, the Cunning Linguists, scores 350 and at that point, I figure we’re toast. They even cheer like they’ve won. But then Leslie says, “On a side note, we had an absolutely perfect score, but they left.” The Linguists cry out, “Disqualified!” And I’m wondering why she hasn’t announced our score yet. Then it dawns on me around the time that she says the team’s name: Leslie’s Dimples. It’s us! I leap up and run to the front from our back booth. I’m absolutely enthralled. I’ve left Chris behind without even thinking, yelling out, “No! Leslie, we’re here! We didn’t leave! Dear god, please, Leslie, here we are!” I didn’t even turn off my tape recorder. When Chris joins me up front, he brings with him the dignity and class that I’m missing. He buys the Linguists a beer. John Swantz snaps a photo in which I tried to affect the appropriate gang sign, an L for Leslie’s Dimples. It looks like I’m a proud loser instead. A Linguist asks Chris if he’s from here. He answers, “I’m an itinerant trivia player. I’ve got to be in Pensacola tomorrow.” The kid doesn’t get it, saying what a nice place Pensacola is.

Horne: In all seriousness, I’m probably going to brag about this later.

Offutt: How often do you get to brag about something totally ludicrous? Walked into a bar, and not only did we win, we scored perfect—their first one. Ah, the Rookery.

Horne: Where magic happens. I think that’s their motto.

Offutt: Is it really?

Horne: No, but it should be.

Offutt: I wonder what we can get to rhyme with Rookery.