The Holidays

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, which is to say, I'm beginning to feel like I've got to buy people things. Last night, I was at the local Michael's buying supplies for sundry art projects, but the more I wandered the store, the more I felt like buying a birdbox-making kit and when that hit, I knew it was time for Christmas. It's the only time of year when I feel like giving people the things that I want to give them instead of things they want. And hell, it isn't even so much like I give them what I wish I were getting. I've never wanted a mosaic candleholder-making kit, but Moms nearly got its end result for Christmas. Hey Moms, remember that macaroni sculpture I made in kindergarten? This is kinda like it.

There's something about making a present that really appeals to me. It says "Hey, I put a little effort into this". That same something also says, "I'm pretty cheap and I honestly don't care what you think because if you act like you don't love it, I'm going to start dropping guilt-bombs all over your ungrateful ass."

The reason I didn't go into an arts-n-crafts spending spree is because I realized that under no circumstance should I pay $30 for a kit so I can make one acrylic painted glass vase. Besides, it'd look like shit and cost more than the second season of Scrubs, which I think my sister would want more.

See, most of the year, I think about what people would like and then I get it, if I like the person and don't have to sacrifice my next jar of Baco-s. But once Christmas rolls around, I get all kinds of stupid about this. Either I over-think it, over-spend on it, or overlook the person. That latter thing seems to be inherited. Every year, I can count on someone in my family giving me something that makes no sense.

One year, I got a book called "Who Moved My Cheese?" Granted, I've lived my life with a certain listlessness and so who can blame a loved one if they thought a little motivational book would help? Okay. No biggie. But what about that adaptable head screwdriver with the flashlight inside it? I know it sounds handy but I've never been in a situation that seemed to require or even could utilize that tool.

I think this year, I'm going to give everyone a framed picture of myself with a note attached, and then I'll make a big announcement over dinner, telling them all that I probably won't live to see the next Christmas so "Enjoy the picture and let's hang out some time."