Distortion in the Mornin'

“And the dark night has the strongest pull. We both know that staying young, can take its toll.” – Matthew Sweet

Don’t ask why but I don’t like people knowing how many centimeters tall I am. Feet, inches – yes, I’m down. But the metric system is just tacky. And that’s why I oppose this Australian butt-kissing thing that Myspace is doing right now. Of course, my arch-nemesis, Chace Ambrose, has aligned with the right-wing conservatives in his party to support it. He wants to send our profile views to Australia! Enough of that.

So… I did a lot of things these past two weeks (for proof: www.myspace.com/Mr_Chris). Friday, Oct 13th – Downtown Mactropolis With a brand new pair of kicks (My Adidas) and an Otis Redding-borne high, I walked to 550 Blues for Mudcat. He’s spawned legendary tales of toe-sucking antics, and the word is always, “You’ve got to see him at least once!” During a long song, Mudcat and Co., pulled several of the bar’s finest women on stage and had them participating the whole time. While most played backup dancer, one lucky lass put on the washboard vest and went to town with it. I only caught the tail end of The Liabilities show but holy shit, what a show! They came out for two encores, and their fans rewarded them with an impromptu mosh pit and the Bird’s first crowd surfer. Granted, the crowd around the elevated dude quickly vanished, leaving him aloft just a half dozen fellas who seemed to regret their decision to support him but still…

Saturday, Oct 14th – B.F.E., Jones County Initially, I thought Bill Lucado’s infamous Shuck n’ Suck would be a low-key affair for the local bourgeois and a handful of artists – all calmly chatting over glasses of sweet tea and plates of finger foods. Oh no, not at all. A helicopter landed in the front yard and people were peeing in the woods. A pull-behind trailer of beer sat by the pavilion, trays of Satterfield’s deliciously smoked quail and buckets of shelled oysters lined tables several feet long while historically overlooked blues musicians took centerstage. The best was Drink Smalls from South Carolina. He looked as poised and reverent as Fredrick Douglass but played with a sound as powerful as the explosion that gave the universe its first breath of life – its prodigious wonders spinning off in high, tight notes like sparks escaping the blacksmith’s hammer. Damn, I was floored. Then I was plastered. As Oteil & the Peacemakers played, I only had sentience enough to do the hokey pokey. At just 10pm, I was sleeping on the car ride home.

Back in Macon, I rolled out of the backseat and stumbled through downtown with a red, checkered tablecloth draped around me like a cape. Finding concerned friends along the way home, the only explanation I could offer was a feeble declaration that “Lucado’s was today.”

Monday, Oct. 16th – Yo, DJ, Spin That Wheel The Macon Record Collectors Club, a couple hours of musical show n’ tell, has debuted. A dozen folks or so showed up with their vinyl collections (a couple brought CDs as is permissible according to club bylaws) and about fifty people total stayed to enjoy the songs everyone felt like sharing. It returns Monday, Oct. 30th and will continue every other week afterward. In the interim, I’m beginning my campaign to allow cassette tapes.

The Future: A church sign downtown reads, “Live everyday like you’ll meet your maker tomorrow.” That’s what I plan to do and here’s how: Thursday, Oct 26th – Thriller Dance rehearsal at the Armory Ballroom followed by Hank III at the Capitol Theatre and later, the Modern Skirts at the Hummingbird. Friday, Oct 27th – The Meth Effect Judgment House at Real Life Church on Gray Hwy. It’s just $2 and should be an interesting change of pace to start the weekend.

Saturday, Oct 28th – After the Gators whup my beloved Bulldawgs, I’ll probably feel like a zombie, which is great since I’ll be in the Thriller Dance at 9:30pm. Any excess woe will disappear in the mad dash to 550 for Treas In Season, the Bird for Unknown Hinson and a nightcap at the costume party in Synergy.

Saturday, Nov 4th – The Georgia Literary Festival comes to town and I’m truly excited that established writers with roots in Macon will be on hand. Plus, the winners of our 1st ever Fiction Contest will be announced at 4pm in the Joshua Cup where they’ll read their prize-worthy selections. That Night, Red Fish-Blue Fish reunites for a show at Rivalry’s!