So I consider the 'How Well Do You Know Chris' Quiz contest to have come to an end. As such, with a non-alcoholic spritzer in one hand and stories in the others, I thought I'd share the answers to all the questions with whatever background belongs in their company.
First, I'd like to congratulate Gallwitz who doesn't frequent this site but still scored highest -- beating by an awesome measure, my sister and cousin. 90%, old friend. I'd also like to thank people who don't know me at all for at least trying their hand at psychic intervention. You know who you are.
Q#1) Before I worked at Cafe Coco as a delivery driver, I was a/an (Youth Minister).
While me being politically active or attractive enough to be a model/actor may have seemed a little out there, I did have someone give the only other incorrect answer: Christmas Gnome. But no, I was a youth minister for the Saturn Drive Baptist Church in Nashville, TN, which was an effort to continue working with the children to whom I'd grown attached while tutoring for AmeriCorps. The pastor of the church was a good guy with a simple theology and we got along well. Under my reign, the program swoll from 18 kids to over 70 and it was easily the best job I've ever had. The only reason I'm not doing it any more is that church politics were fiercely set against me. Not raised a Baptist with no inclination to be baptized as one started the frey, which only grew as I ignored the older members who wanted my kids to sit still and listen to Jesus instead of being kids. It probably didn't help that I told them not to pledge allegiance to the flag.
Q#2) Before I read "Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" by Christopher Moore, my favorite book was... (Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut)
I'm a fan of all the books I listed, but Vonnegut is my favorite writer. Had it not been for Breakfast of Champions, I wouldn't be half of who I am today and I say that not because the book was that influencial of itself but rather that without it, I wouldn't be the reader I am now. Before then (college freshman), I'd read only when I had to which makes for a list I can easily count on both hands. To give you an idea of how that changed, when I left Nashville, I sold half of my library to a friend starting a used bookstore -- well over 250 books left my possession. And since I've been in Macon, I've probably purchased another 100.
Q#3) I have never... (had a one night stand).
This was the most incorrectly answered question. Everyone put 'voted Republican' and no one put that I've never had a one night stand. But again, I was a different person back in the fall of 1996. Back then, had I been exposed to Fox News, I'd probably have loved it. That year, I voted for Bob Dole and Jack Kemp in hopes they'd storm the White House and restore America to traditional family values. These days, I'm too liberal to vote Democrat. Oh and on the one night stand note, it's a combination of not being enough stud and not being capable (by my nature) of having sex with someone I don't know.
Q#4) Which country haven't I visited? (England)
My two trips across the pond involved France, Italy and Bulgaria. Each was accompanied by two different love interests, each separately at the time, the one I planned to marry. For some reason, I've just never made it to England. Maybe it'll be after Prague.
Q#5) If you met my mom, she'd eventually offer to embarrass me by showing you what? (a video of me dressed as a woman)
Just as no one thought I'd voted Republican, everyone seemed to know that I've ventured into the world of cross-dressing. It isn't something I mention that often and most of you haven't met my mother so I'm wondering what it is about me that screams 'wanna-be drag queen'. And just for the record, it was a part of a lip-syncing contest for my church-sponsored youth rally. AND I looked damn good in heels.
Q#6) At which musician's house did I twist my ankle? (Steve Earle)
All the choices were relatively probable alt-country musicians, but of them all I'd only been to Steve Earle's house. The trick is that most folks don't seem to know him or the others I listed. Well, I dig his music and his politics, which is why I was at his house. In order to rally against the Death Penalty, TCASK members would get together and brainstorm over food and whatnot. That particular time it just happened to be at his place. His steps were treacherous and I fell, releasing not only the Cheese Mac n' Beef dish I'd brought, but also a flurry of obscenties. I felt bad about that for a minute because his parents were there, then Sara reminded me where I was and that worse things had been said under less painful circumstances. I had the pleasure of watching him move my Chevette out of the way.
Q#7) Which political issue/movement engages me most? (prison reform)
The popular response was 'defeating Bush', which I think is the most egregious political issue in the world. I'd rather campaign to save pubic lice. Not to say I'm a fan of our current president but 'defeating' him is a stupid cause. So hopefully, it was so popular because the phrase is so popular. Instead, I think that prison reform is the most needed movement in America because it reaches into so many other problems including racism and sexism. Without getting on my high horse, I'll just tell you that we incarcerate more people per 100,000 than any other nation in the world, which in real numbers means well more than 2 million people are locked up now. There's something wrong with that.
Q#8) How many different jobs have I had? (29)
I've been paid for:
cut lawns, preaching, stock convienance/liquor store, movie theatre concessions/usher, camp councelor, telemarketer, server, delivery driver (three times), childcare provider, minister of youth, after-school coordinator, AmeriCorps literacy specialist, UPS truck loader, illustrator, retail cashier/customer service, men's department associate, bank teller, fast food cashier, marketing manager, journalist, cigarette factory quality assurance temp, retail stockroom, trim carpenter, construction, sports store associate, business office flunky, freelance writer (of college research papers), personal assistant/mover of heavy things and outside sales representative.
Q#9) Other than the facts that they were both females and that they liked me, what other thing connects the two women with whom I've been in love? (their first names were like mine)
One was a Kris and the other a Christy -- each being very much like Chris, which is my name. In addition, I've also dated a Cristina and been stalked by a Christina. In short, everyone with a first name like mine is permanently barred.
Q#10) What is the name of the book I'm writing? (How to Get to Heaven From Macon, GA)
Few got this right because I think everyone picked up on the fact that 'C' was the right answer for 1 through 9 and then tried it on this last one only to find out I tricked them. So yeah, the title comes loosely based on a pamphlet I was handed on a street corner. As time passed and people were aware of what I was doing, they began bringing similiar religious tracts. Basically, the novel puts Apollo Bollinger (who is the recipient of the largest lottery jackpot in history) in Macon where he meets a delightful cast of characters all loosely based on my split personalities (Kensington O'Calley - an evangelist once of Billy Grahm proprotions, Daphne -- the unrequiting love interest, Johnny Treadmill -- the purveyor of the nation's top line of exercise equipment, Smith Alfonzo -- a budding and naive minister chosen to head the church Apollo builds, Yummi Vaughn -- a stripper turned born again Christian romance novelist, Chris Horne -- lethargic and randomly motivated documentarian, and Whit Mumbley the narrator and supposed author of the book. In it, you'll follow Apollo as he molds Macon's east side into the neighborhood he remembers by reverting all the progress back to old form. When the city begins rebelling against him, he establishes "Old Macon", constructs warehouses, factories and whole neighborhoods complete with the aforementioned church before declaring it all a separate and soveriegn city. That's all I care to divulge at this time. Prepare yourself for an epic satire.
The End. And better luck next time.
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